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Dreams have changed
Apr. 10th, 2021 07:37 pmLast dream was me teaching M to speak English better because he has "lived in this country (UK) for a couple of years now, and should make more of an effort."
Previous dream was about dad being so drunk that he could not board his flight (never happened in real life)
After every dream, wake up and for a few seconds believe that M is still alive. Have a mini-conversation with myself to remind me that he is not.
M has never been to the UK.
Previous dream was about dad being so drunk that he could not board his flight (never happened in real life)
After every dream, wake up and for a few seconds believe that M is still alive. Have a mini-conversation with myself to remind me that he is not.
M has never been to the UK.
Change of direction
Apr. 4th, 2021 12:31 pmThis writing project has taken me years, and is still nowhere near completion. So, I am going to try a different approach; instead of writing long drtialed posts, I will try short vignettes. Anything that comes into my mind that seems relevant - even if just a couple of sentences.
I will also widen this to be a general reflection of my life and my past experiences. Grief and loss will still heavily feature, but I feel that there is more complexity to the story than just grief and loss, and talking in a wider context may help frame it.
I will also widen this to be a general reflection of my life and my past experiences. Grief and loss will still heavily feature, but I feel that there is more complexity to the story than just grief and loss, and talking in a wider context may help frame it.
I've been going through my other blog recently (the one I use to write about my life generally rather than about a specific theme) and have found a couple of old entries that I feel will be relevant to repost here. This one is dated January 2014. A year later, my brother would be dead. This entry describes the last days of our family's relative normality - if you can call it that.
Here is the entry:
Here is the entry:
A Story: 000 (Intro)
Dec. 28th, 2017 10:19 amThis blog is my long term project. Since I've become a parent earlier this year, my free time is scarce and if I do get any, it tends to come in tiny fragments and can be interrupted at any moment at no notice. So I have an idea. I will only post short entries as and when a thought comes into my mind. Perhaps once a month or so. They will have the same running theme. Hopefully eventually there will be enough entries to start to form a picture. And perhaps some years later I will be able to pull them all together into a coherent whole.
I am also aware that it will probably will not be read by anyone unless I link to it from other places (Facebook or e-mail). This makes privacy settings quite difficult to manage. I am ambivalent about this. On the one hand, I want my story to be heard by others; on the other, I feel vulnerable sharing it and the reactions to it may be hostile. So for now I'm keeping the blog as anonymous as I can given its subject matter - fingers crossed it will work out.
The subject will be personal and family tragedy. Themes will include death and bereavement, drug abuse, mental illness, and growing up in tumultuous historic times in a country now defunct. I suppose this will be partly self therapy, and partly a mechanism to retain these memories which are both painful and precious to me.
Here is the current table of contents (updated regularly)
Please beware of the potentially triggering themes: death, drug use, mental illness, grief, bereavement
I am also aware that it will probably will not be read by anyone unless I link to it from other places (Facebook or e-mail). This makes privacy settings quite difficult to manage. I am ambivalent about this. On the one hand, I want my story to be heard by others; on the other, I feel vulnerable sharing it and the reactions to it may be hostile. So for now I'm keeping the blog as anonymous as I can given its subject matter - fingers crossed it will work out.
The subject will be personal and family tragedy. Themes will include death and bereavement, drug abuse, mental illness, and growing up in tumultuous historic times in a country now defunct. I suppose this will be partly self therapy, and partly a mechanism to retain these memories which are both painful and precious to me.
Here is the current table of contents (updated regularly)
Please beware of the potentially triggering themes: death, drug use, mental illness, grief, bereavement
- A Story: 001 (Hell)
- A Story: 002 (Not much like grief)
- A Story: 003 (The practicalities of death)
- A Story: 004 (The Funeral)
- A Story: 005 (A Failed Prince)
- A Story: 006 (Dreams)
- A Story: 007 (Left Behind To Rot)
- A Story: 008 (2014: The Last Year of Normality)
- A Story: 009 (A Letter To My Old Love)
- A Story: 010 (The Dreams... Again)
